Saving IT (all) for HIM

Quit playing games with my heart is what I wish to fart out loud to him. Ideating is stranger and grander than is actuating; actually. Plus there’s no strings attached.Thank God for augmented reality apps! Touche.
Don’t have a cat in hell’s chance of ever hitting it off with “THE” bloke (let alone him- the one I have a craving for, in mass transit). So I remain much kicked about fantasising my relationship with him in my mind’s youtube. It breaks my heart to crush ma and pa’s desire as it is. But I have to continue to live a lie (as much for their sake as mine)for the remainder of my life. It’s no use blaming it on a ultra-conservative family background and/or nurture. Have decided to get a move on, and that’s that.
I am beginning to like it now – my new station in life, that is. There’s all the fun and excitement in this microcosm of mine populated by my La-la land fantasies about him and me, without any committments period and absent the pain of separation and falling out that can potentially come with being in a realtime relationship. Have long since jettisoned the thought I am so lonesome I could die, which is a good start, I know.
It’s important to deliberately cultivate the trivial sometimes and to also find joy in the ordinary, as I am finding out now. Once I can fully conquer that is when I am all sorted; or so I like telling myself that. Of course, there’s always the worry of dying old and lonely like a bugger off the street but some things can’t be changed. What’s coming to me will come to me, sooner or later. But that’s not reason enough to spoil it for "the here-and-now". Besides, straight marriage is a cul de sac for me:no use pretending to love someone as their lawfully wedded husband when the mind clearly, is thinking thoughts about the 09.33 dude in mass transit. Someday, I tell myself this too shall pass: my fear of dying and being alone and maybe just maybe finding that someone special (GUY) but I can imagine it’s going to take a lowering of the bar several notches; for that to happen.
Just as there’s bound to be a blemish residing quietly somewhere in a supermodel’s figure so it is that I can’t have it all! I have long since made my peace with it. My only prayer goes out to Mother Kali to make my mum and dad stronger for me and accept me for who I am, and for my 09.33 mass transit eye candy to make a regular appearance. It just kick starts my mornings unlike any other brew I have known. This is my only submission.