A Not-So-Straight Tinkering
Out with the old; in with the new – this blog has decided to jettison homophobic entries of its sordid past and swear by the new eco-friendly colours of GLBT. It is time we came out of our shells to share with you issues, stories etc. affecting the other half. In the first of our monthly columns titled “ Dear Horny”, we carry excerpts of mails that we’ve received over the years from gays & lesbos in our midst.
Dear Horny:
Me and my partner live in a gated homosexual community of around 50,000 not far from here.We have raised 5 young men as our sons who continue to do us proud in all that they do. We have watched them grow from the tiny tots they once were into the irrepressibly handsome men they now are. Because we have reared them the gay way it is but natural they have grown up feeling & thinking gay. Imagine our shock therefore, when we started to get an inkling of our youngest son’s latent heterosexual tendencies. My partner would recoil in horror each time someone in our compound would mention to him our youngest Sami was showing signs of deviant behaviour . To many, in our neck of the woods, being even remotely heterosexual is a sure-as hell sign of weakness and / or emotional fraility.
The literalists among us would fall over each other trying to convince us Straightness is solely the Satan’s doing . Although I know much of this is literally going quite close to the bone, the ground zero of reality in today’s Gay Man’s World is such that there is standing room only for straights . The reaction of our other kids is well, one of intrigue and scorn : our eldest Ari’s initial bemusement at Sami’s queer behaviour is now superseded by anger and disgust. As you can make out I am deeply troubled by the angst my husband and kids suffer over this disillusionment crisis gripping my youngest . Whom do we look to to offer them counsel ? The local gay match makers are hopeless; they are vain beyond belief and imagine heterosexuality to be an illness that needs curing. Thousands of years of gay oppression has meant that you won’t find too many willing takers who are prepared to accept Sami’s sexual orientation : I should think it an unfortunate case of inverse discrimination at work. Could this only be a transitory phase in Sami’s life so like a dark summer - cloud and what can possibly be done to wean him off girls ? Partly, the media is to blame also with its highly heterosexualized content hitting the airwaves 24/7 which puts many of us in alternative lifestyles in bit of a spot cue Al Jazeera English.
Although my partner is new school I remain very much the old school with my firm belief in balance, a sense of proportion and above all, empathy towards others and yet somehow in this instance, I seem to be losing the boat. As an aside, do you find it inappropriate that some of our young gay men should only ever be attracted to straight men, and not to other gay men like themselves? Personally, my partner has no qualms over this issue but I find myself unable to stomach this factoid of gay life.
To most of our gay peers, it is simply a case of if you are born into a gay family , you stay gay. This isn’t about teaching grandma to suck eggs but at the same time it’s high time our gay nitpicks stopped mucking about with people’s private affairs and learned to embrace diversity.
How can we rise to the occasion and stay afloat?
Help!!!SOS
posted by Men Who Do Cleavages at 9:01 pm
7 Comments:
You haven't told us yet the contact id where we can bare all before you.
:)
PS - Hem hawing over one's sexuality is not such a bad thing to do. Many supposedly straight men have been less fortunate than certain others in that when it came to the wire they just weren't thinking straight. The net outcome is they are condemned to living a straight life inside a cage and that is cruel.
For how much longer is a society given to thinking itself to be purely straight going to keep up its pretenses ? We all know there are ever increasing circles of gayness around, and yet are only too eager at any given time to pull other people's chestnuts out of the fire by calling it " male bonding", " metrosexuality" etc.
Don't let's forget - if it looks like a duck, shits like a duck then it probably is a duck.
Most times than not people equate being gay with having anal intercourse, which to my mind is a far too anal characterization of such people. They are not all the same - no point painting everybody with the same brush all the time.
Don't you also find it lame that in most parts of the world gay men would still face prosecution for loving a fellow man ?! In a time of global terror and civil unrest what we need to see more of, is more gayness, not less.
Spreading the Gay word can have immense implications for world peace and civil harmony.
Spare a thought to the occasional fella who cheats on his wife for a dude. I prefer not calling this bisexuality for the simple reason there is no such thing as that.In short order, it is a case of arrested homosexuality, like it or not.
On gay men being attracted to straight men I guess, different strokes for different folks really but we are not all that alarmed by this trend. Straight or gay, they remain men nevertheless. It would probably be a good idea to make films such as, Kinsey & Trembling before God compulsory viewing in junior high. It will spare many young people from having to live a lie and help them make better informed choices about whom they want to bunk with.
We live in most sexually frustrating times that sometimes you begin to wonder what went right when a man cheats on his wife for a guy. I am not insinuating it is all right to cheat on your partner cuz it isn't a very gentlemanly thing to do but just spare a thought to that tipping point for the man entrapped in a zero sum relationship with the missus.You feel a strange kind of joy settling in for the guy in his moment of epiphany;a liberation of sorts, really for him. Perhaps,it never was meant to be.
Personally, I 've never been able to figure out why women should be cross even more at being dumped for another man instead of a woman ? Someday I am hoping to be able to crack this one.
On why some gay men prefer straight men, well, they just like them that way. Can anyone say precisely why it is Western sugar daddies have an eye for Orientals, or for why Indian gays are such suckers for Australian dudes, or even why a chemistry between Gulf men and Lebanese gents?! No.
Cheat if you must but be responsible in cheating - do not put your unsuspecting partner at any kind of health risk. Stopping short of taking adequate precautions is criminal and I absolutely feel no empathy at all toward such reckless fellas.
"...a moment of epiphany."
Looks as though someone's been watching Simpsons - the movie, lately :)
I think we have touched upon a no go area of "androgynes", and people who feel trapped inside bodies of the opposite sex. This can help partly explain why some gay men are drawn more toward heterosexual men than they are to say, camp gay men who like dressing up and behaving all feminine.
In the present context, I feel for the youngest Sami who finds himself literally, between a rock and a hard place. Believe me, it can't be easy on both Sami and his family.By now most of us can relate only too well to the denial en masse from family and friends for the person threatening to come out and jump off the heterosexual bandwagon. Therefore,it comes as no big surprise.
My advice to Sami is to learn to grow a thick skin and all I will say to his parents is - Lay off him!
The only downside to staying gay is sooner or later you realize two's a twilight zone, three's terra firma. Children will always add that extra meaning to a relationship and are sound insurance against old age or disease. But again this can apply both to queer and to not so queer couples who choose not to procreate. Equally, with today's generation there's no telling if kids will tend to their ageing parents in a caretaker parental capacity or not. So on balance getting old and being gay can't be so bad.
Thank you all for coming by my blog, and thanks for the comments. I realize where this is all leading us to - the gray area of Asexual Homosexuality, which heterosexuals and others; confused-arrested-homosexuals might themselves find more endearing to them than what they see happening at Mardi Gras or Gay Pride parades.
Just log on to www.asexuality.org and you can see for yourself how jumping on to the asexual -homosexual bandwagon can be, well,.....rather sexy.
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